Growth

I had one of those experiences this week that leads to incredible self-growth but you wouldn’t ever want to go through again.  Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, it’s not quite over.  As with anything in life, there’s got to be a gem in here somewhere.  Something with a tag on it that reads priceless.  Those are the best gifts aren’t they…the ones that lead to an enrichment of your self…?  I’ll look back and be thankful.  In this moment, I’m looking forward to finding the way out.  In the meantime, I’m really glad that I know who I am.  I’m glad I have a support system…that there are people in my life who believe in me…that I can come home to a stable, loving, and healthy family.

I was a kid who always liked to have the last word.  I still do, at times.  My son and I sometimes wage war over the right to that title.  Then I have to remind myself that I’m the grown up.  I’m fighting the urge to have the last word right now.  I don’t like people thinking things about me that are not true.  Especially when those things are not pretty.  There’s a part of me that wants to shout, that’s not it, you have it all wrong! And at times, I have.  But something I’ve had to learn (and by the way, even if someone advises me on something, at times, I just have to learn on my own) is that no matter what you say sometimes, there are some people who will not hear it.  They hear through their filter.  They take it in, change the message slightly based upon their perspective, their life experience, their assumptions, and there’s not a darn thing you can do about it.  About them that is.  But there is something I can do.  I can learn to walk with my head held high.  I can learn when I’m in the midst of dysfunctionality, and respectfully remove myself.  There is a feeling that goes along with that, with being a part of a dysfunctional system.  I feel it deep in my gut, I feel it in my heart, and then I feel it in my thoughts.  You start to wonder is it me? Here’s when my healthy family, that I get to come home to every day, plays an incredibly important role.  They ground me, remind me of who I am, and who I’m not.

So there’s a couple lessons in here for me, number one is that my family rocks.  They’re crucial.  Everyone’s family is.  For they know you (hopefully) and stick with you (ideally) through thick and thin…give you energy and perspective…love and acceptance.  The second is, I know who I am…I know who I’m not…and I know who I belong to…and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

So for now, I’ll cling to that.  And remain open…and grounded.  These experiences are gifts…even if I don’t see them as that until far after…they are…gifts.  With that as my perspective, I am so incredibly excited for the next chapter.

---