Just believe in yourself, duhPosted: January 18, 2011
Lots on my mind the past few days…incredible growth…forgiveness… peace…relief…frustration…some fear. I can be true to who I am.
I spent the weekend in Chicago with my family, minus my beloved who’s off doing some professional development in Atlanta, celebrating the birth of my daughter. Favorite moment…I was content, and warm, in the hot tub. It was hot, nice, relaxing. Payton, “mommy, PLEASE, come in the pool with me! You PROMISED!” (–I don’t remember no promise) I winced at the thought, the water was icy cold, I mean–MORE cold than a normal cold pool. I don’t know why a nice hotel can’t afford a water heater! Anyway, I thought to myself, will I wake up tomorrow and regret not joining her in the icy water? Will she grow up and remember her mom as one who watched from the sidelines, or joined in the fun? I want her to have the memories with ME as a PART of them. So I left my warmth and stood at the edge…frozen with apprehension, but yet determined. Logan, sensing my hesitancy, said, “mommy, just BELIEVE in yourself!” And then off he went, under water, like “Duh mom.” I wonder where he’s heard that? Wise words young man, wise words. Just believe, I told myself…a few minutes of fear…and then I took the plunge. I only momentarily lost my breath due to the freezing temperatures. Why doesn’t cold water phase kids? They’ll swim until they’re blue in the face! …perspective…freedom…unbridled joy…? I surfaced to a huge smile and laughter, both kids welcoming me to the “other side.” And I played. The smile I saw on Payton’s face, and Logan’s requests for pool time fun…I’ll never forget that. The smile was one of pure joy…not a worry in the world…a being that was living and breathing “Life Is Good,” She was “in the moment.” I’m glad I sucked it up, and was an active parent, sharing in their excitement.
“In my moments” this weekend, my life was perfect. I was blessed with the always supportive and loving company of my mom and dad…my strong, independent, full of life and living her dreams sister…a wonderful friend and her daughter who treat my kids as their own…and my beautiful angels. What a gift life is. Embrace it. I missed you tremendously Justin!! And brother Levi!!
So Logan’s words…”just BELIEVE in yourself mom!” Just believe, just believe…
When I do that, when I STAY rooted in WHO I am, what I stand for, and who I belong to…I can do anything. When I connect with the amazing people I am so blessed to have as part of my life, I feel alive and whole. When I use my voice for good, to move forward, to honor and respect while still sending my message, I feel strong. When I speak my mind, I feel confident. When I have faith that God is in control…that He has a plan for me, I feel at peace. That’s been my growth, my journey. I see things for what they are, and I will express that when necessary.
You see, people come with their own stories. At the core of mine, I have to confidently say “I believe in ME,” for I was created with incredible gifts and a clear mission. So regardless of what others may say, what society suggests, if I can authentically look at myself in the mirror and say “I did my best today with the tools that I had,” AND I know and I DO what makes me come alive…then Life Is Good. Thank you Logan for your words, and Payton for your unbridled joy. I love my life, and I’m working to embrace the growth…