Mirror, mirror on the wall…

I’ve been thoroughly enjoying Anne Lamott’s, “Grace (eventually).”  What a cool book, awesome, inspiring, funny, insightful…In the chapter “Nudges,” she talks about a frustrating relationship she had, and the eventual realization it was something inside of herself that helped to create the frustration.  Her therapist’s wisdom, “if you’ve got a problem, you usually have to go look in the mirror.  They had been caught up in my childhood drama; they were in my life to help me heal something old.”   Hmmm…in my work, I see this all the time.  It’s clear from the outside looking in, sometimes.  But how about from the inside looking in?  It isn’t always as clear…

I wonder what the relationships in my life can teach me.  I know Payton has helped me see that I can get too caught up with my watch, with the time, with a plan.  She’s as free a spirit as they come!  And she has an amazingly strong mind, all of her own.  Perhaps she’s also helping me to embrace that in my own self.  There’s some grinding as that growth happens.  Logan has taught me the importance of being yourself and has nourished my creative side.  We picked up a “Science experiments with Household Materials” (or something like that) at a thrift store.  The first day, he did about half the experiments in the book!  He is so thirsty for learning, for understanding, for knowledge.  Justin has helped me me realize that “life is good.”  I knew it before I met him, but he truly lives every single day with that philosophy, even when the going gets tough.  He’s always the first one to say, “it’s a great day to be alive.”

Those are a few of my family…but my mind rests with a few other relationships in my life…that are tough.  They’re a struggle, every moment.  There is no grace, no ease, no reciprocity.  At times I feel resentment (an incredibly ugly thing!), and immediately recognize the toxicity.  I do my best to regulate, and analyze…but I’m stuck with what they can teach me.  I don’t know…I know there’s something, and for that, I want to be grateful.  Gratitude feels better than resentment.  I pray for that enlightenment, when I can see that, for the burden to be lifted.  I think I’m getting in my way…

 

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