Need versus want

I just took my second van load to Goodwill.  For whatever reason,probably many little reasons all piled up, I have been inspired to downsize.  Just after I dropped everything off this afternoon, I drove away and panicked…just for a moment.  But I thought to myself, “what if there was something in there that I actually need?”  I quickly enaged myself in conversation, calmly telling myself that whatever it was that was that important, could be easily replaced.  I also told myself that there is relatively little that we need, most of what is around is stuff that we, at one point, wanted.  But dust collects, they get transported from box to box, to crawlspace, to shed.  And the burden gets heavier.  If we were to move right now, it would take immense effort.  All for what?  For a bunch of stuff I “might” need?  Seriously.  I’m done hoarding, done keeping things that I MAY want someday.  It’s so easy to acquire things, harder to get rid of…unless I can convince myself that what I really need in life in living and breathing right in front of me…my husband, son and daughter.  A bit of food in my kitchen.  And some clothes.

I got paid today, which means that this past weekend is one that is notoriously low on food in our house (slightly dramatic…but it does get bare!)  One evening, I had no idea what to prepare..I took out some hamburger, a can of Campbells tomato bisque soup that has been collecting dust (still good to eat however), a few cans of beans, a jar of newly canned tomatoes…and dumped it all together.  With some seasoning from Justin, we had “the best chili ever” said Logan!  What do we really need?

Our quest for a carpet free house will soon come to be.  We recently learned Logan has some pretty bad allergies, doctor ordered “no carpet.”  We’re figuring out how to do it financially.  And in so doing, I proposed to Justin that we finally get rid of our couch, chair and ottoman.  Think of all the dust and allergens hiding beneath the cushions!!!!  “What can I ask will you replace them with Anna?”  Why can’t we use our lawn chairs for now?  We have a wooden rocker in our crawl space, and recliner in our room.  We’d be fine!!  He has yet to agree with me.  After all, what do we really need anyway?

Our society is so materialistic.  Humans seek to fill all their “holes” with stuff.  To fill their emotional wounds with baggage.  “If only I had that…I’d be happy.”  Then I get it, and I still want.  “So how about THAT.”  Get it…happy momentarily.  Then again the empty, hungry feeling of want.  I don’t like that.  Whenever I get that feeling, the taste of anxiety I had driving away from Goodwill today, I vow to get rid of something.  I also want to leap into an adventure of not buying anything new, as long as we can help it.  I should probably talk to Justin about this one!

I need my faith, my family, my friends.  I need to be able to go outside and breathe the fresh air, to laugh and just be with those I love.  Also to rest alone, reading, doing, etc.  I would love to have animals in my life.  I would love to have clean clothes everyday.  I would love to have a camera that would allow me to pursue my lifelong passion of photography.  I want a new stove.  I want a new pair of fashion boots.  I want a new tattoo.  Those things I can do without.  I want to focus on what I need.

‎”To find the way, close your eyes, listen closely, and attend with your heart.”

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