CongruencePosted: August 9, 2010
I’ve become a bit of a horsemanship-knowledge-seeking junkie lately. Becoming more knowledgeable about the Way of the Horse is a must if I’m going to reap the fullest benefit of Equine Assisted Psychotherapy. In one of my latest reads, I came across the idea of congruence. Horses sense it in us, they point in out in us clear as day. Their honesty, devotion, and loyalty is so moving. I cannot wait to have them as my co-workers!
In a visit I had today with a young woman, I was struck by her inability to be congruent regarding a recent loss. What else did you feel? What else did you feel? What else? WHAT ELSE??!! So so often, what we say does NOT match with what we feel. How often do you answer “fine,” “good,” “great” to the robotic question “how are you?” What would happen if we all answered with honesty? Well, some encounters might necessitate a few more minutes…heaven forbid I am five minutes late to an appointment, or to the store, or wherever we are going, just because we stopped to care. It drives me nuts that we can’t be real, that we can’t be compassionate to another’s pain, that we can’t think outside of ourselves as much as we should. Life is too precious, we are too busy…slow down.
I’m convinced one of my daughter’s gifts is her unconscious goal to make me slow down. Mom: “let’s go kiddo…” her: “what, you talking to me, oh all right. Oh, you mean now? well jeepers, I have to put my baby dolls to bed first, I have to gather myself first, I have to walk around the living room first…” Me and my problem of being places too early, WAY too early, rather than one minute late. Yup, that’s her mission, I know it. I’m working on it babe:)
Let’s be congruent, let’s be real. If you’re hurting, say so. The walls you build up to protect your pain only end up hurting you in the long run.
I feel I do a pretty all right job with this. My next task is to then take the next step. I can admit I’m afraid, I can admit I’m clueless, that I have no idea what God might have in store for me and how incredibly frightening that is! But I need to muster up the trust, and the creative ingenuity that is necessary for the next chapter in my life. In the meantime, I’m working to surround myself with congruence, and the wisdom to feel and show unconditional compassion to the people in life who for reasons I may never understand, and likely because of personal stories of deep pain, make it incredibly hard for others to like them. Respect because they are human, now that’s unconditional in my opinion. But just because I respect someone, does not mean I like what they do. So often those individuals, are the ones who need the love the most. All right, now that’s a topic for another entry:)